Lessons from Grief

Lessons I’ve learned in loving someone deeply and losing them too

Michelle Abdon

  1. You are going to miss your loved one for the rest of your life. None of this is supposed to be easy. Grief is supposed to be imperfect, it can’t exist in any other way.
  2. Many days you will search for a remedy, but no prescription will truly take away this pain because this pain represents how deeply you loved them. In a conversation with a mentor, she said to me, “Let curiosity be a remedy.” Find something you can’t settle on and learn about it. Learn something new about you, about them, or about the world.
  3. A dear friend told me, “The version of me you have come to love and know is a version that only came after losing my dad.” You will change deeply-become a person your loved one never got to meet, but I believe you will be reunited in time. Live a life so vibrant and full that when you reunite you can tell them, “Oh do I have stories to tell you.”
  4. You’ve felt this way before, it is possible to feel this way again. You’ve felt joy before, it is possible for you to feel it again. You can change the probabilities, you can increase the odds-you just need to show up for yourself-rise to the day.
  5. Just because you feel grief doesn’t mean you can’t also feel joy. Human nature is complicated. Grief is complex. One feeling won’t negate the other.
  6. You don’t have to make sense of their death and make it mean something. Death is the one promise life has for us. Not every crucible has to serve some sort of function, sometimes horrible things happen to good people.
  7. Most people won’t understand your pain, but so many are willing to try. Let them in.
  8. You will get through this, you don’t have to believe in miracles or in a higher power if you don’t want to, but your resilience is embedded in your DNA. It isn’t personal. You are strong even if you don’t will it.
  9. Life won’t pause for you or wait till you’re ready to begin again. It can feel so unfair and overwhelming, but keep going anyway. Keep persisting. What is grief if not love persevering?

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